Wanted

Explain:
There are a million things to write about, but I feel (I think) it's too ambitious, too overextended and I wouldn't tell anyone this much in the beginning anyway.

I like comic books. Not graphic novels, even though the lines between them are blurred and imperfectly drawn.
That's not right, either. They're so often the same things these days.
I digress, though.
Comic books meant different things to me, then. They meant something dizzyingly intense and unreal, sparking the imagination, flicking images. (The store near my house always smelled like something unidentifiable, indescribable. I still don't know what that is.) They were a community on their own, a select group with unknown knowledge, maturity, and full of trivia.
A fact: I love trivia.

Extrapolate: I feel like so many people use graphic novels to escape the stigma of being fond of comic books, make it smarter, smoothly palatable, easily digested and understood. The truth is, that's not my excuse at all. That wasn't the reason for my fascination. I wanted to be so much on the other end of the spectrum, but I kept missing it.
The point is-
I wanted to make them.

I remember when I was younger thinking it would be easier, but it never does, really.
Being cynical just allows you to see the world more clearly, but that's not it. The mistake wasn't all of mine. As much as I sometimes believe it, other people aren't perfect. They have awkward moments, make mistakes and are generally flawed.

Superheroes are unreal, impressive and amazing. They're visceral and full of wonder. People find them easy to hate. They shift characteristics with the times, decades past and they acquire the traits we most value in that decade, serve as living monuments of those mistakes. They evolve when we change our standards.
The women go from passive to independent, break down the business world, determined and mistaken. They're smart, witty, and full of conviction.
They'll probably always change. That, alone, not full of faded remnants of old glory, old art and limited stories make them important.

Ask anyone. Superman's too perfect to be really human- he's too familiar to be truly alien. It's hard to love someone whose flaw is his lack of one. He's bulletproof, after all.
People don't want perfect creatures; they want something slightly off kilter, but still struggling, smart and fighting. They want ingenuity and determination, the reasoning behind the mission.
Today's superheroes fight against so much more than just incredible enemies. They fight against the repercussions of their actions, the fallout of powers and the balance of the world and the people they care about. They win the world, and lose their friends, family. They get sued. They make public features, have lawyers, and deal with political correctness.
I'm not sure what I'm trying to say, trying to defend or just plain summarizing.

I can't say comics changed my life, because I don't know anything for sure.
I used to want to be a comic book artist.
I don't know what I want anymore, but it's probably not that or maybe it is. I took my art classes because they were easy, because I liked the teacher, because it wasn't what I really wanted. Maybe if I took sewing classes, I wouldn't be here. Kids never know what they want. They just want everything, even when they aren't good at it.
I remember saying to myself, just five more years. You can give it up then. It's been about three.
Just two more years. You give up that idea then.