Sincerely, Twisted

We talked about hate crimes today. Or rather, we practically sat in a circle and held hands.
Not to be a downer, but who made this mandatory?

I understand. It's important to watch, it's important to view, but that doesn't make it any more right to impose people unwillingly on this, especially for the purpose that it is-
Community. People need to heal. They need to get better.

It's nothing personal though, and that's exactly the problem. They're all Pictures and Facebook and a gathering at Java City, and I don't know. I don't even have a Facebook.
It's trivial, and small. It's a Bad Thing that happened.

Honestly, it doesn't really matter to me.
(butbecause Bad Things happen all the time)
How horrifying.
I'm callous. Cold hearted, soft footed, fleet and adept and twisted, deep down and inside and just plain gone. I want to find the truth for myself. I need to find the truth in myself, and I'm not sure where to look. In ward and out, it's all the same.
I do so think that this is an overreaction. But not in the way that it seems.
I don't believe that this can or will stop anyone from committing hate crimes- They hate. (I don't really understand but it's true.) If anything, I'd be inflamed.
It's already been shown they're a stickler for attention.
When I'm rude to people, really rude, it bothers me. When I don't like someone, it feels like the taste of it will never go away. If it takes so much more just to commit even a small act of viciousness and violence, and in what happens there is something both deliberate and untraceable, something that can never be reclaimed, something inevitably final in each and every step of its delivery that would take so much more than I could imagine. (Or maybe just quick bravado.)
If someone is already down that path, I can't think of a way to stop them. They grow crooked, and something in their soul is unbearably strange.

It's not a big deal.

Really it isn't.

I've been the victim of hate crimes. It hurts, of course, or you grow a thick skin or you sit down and cry and eventually you get up, dry your tears, and get on with life. I've always done that. (minus the tears.) Wake up the next morning, wash your face. That's not what lingers.

Letters, notes, whispers, rumors, death threats.
It's happened. To me, to quite a lot of people who have never been touched by anything like that, we've never been touched so in our small lives. And in all that collection, nothing matters to me as much as the things that have, and that are so much more real and immediate and upsetting.

Sticks and stones-
And they don't matter. And people may have threatened me, but none of those people have ever laid a hand on me. (it's what they don't touch that hurts.)

May break my bones-
And that's what really matters. That's what hurts, deep down and outside and everywhere, that lingers and never goes away and I think I'm growing out of it, into it, and don't you see, that's what really counts and keeps you down and chokes you.
It hurts.
Physically.

Maybe that should inspire more empathy in me, but I feel like they don't understand. Something so small and inconsequential seems to hurt them so deeply.

(i think a girl cried. I hate crying. it makes you all hot and messed up and squished inside. It's messy, and it makes me feel too obvious. The best way to stop crying is to look in the mirror.)

People hurt you. They hurt you and they change, and they grow and maybe they reform and maybe they relapse. And it's so much more real this way, when they really touch you and they really always-

Now that's not it at all. Stop. Rewind.

Their pity scrapes my skin. The people who its touched are a victim. Christ, even the people who they confide in are victims. (oh jesus christ i can't imagine)

People say they are. Lots of people. Maybe they're probably right. Does it really matter if it's written on a washboard or whispered, spoken or drawn, when it boils down to that? Is it a crime only then, or just another reason to air your public grievances?

I don't think that this will make a difference.
I hope they heal.
I don't think that what they're doing is important to anyone else, relevant to anyone else.
I hope they get better.
That's not a bad thing. Support is a wonderful thing. The songs were great.
I hope it stops.
Healing is a personal matter, and easily shared. This, however, is not a worldwide basis.
I hope they realize that while
It makes a difference only in your community, and it should make a difference to yourself, and they do it to help themselves, and that so much, seems like it's enough.

It should be.

Ripples, sure. Floating outside.

Sometimes I miss you so awfully.